Response to the Draft Feedback

Concerning the feedback I was given, it looks like I gave information and support for my reasoning well. I gave adequate information and gave credit to those that it was due. I did expand upon points I drew from others and give my ideas concerning the material. But, I was still lacking in the personal aspect of my paper. My voice seemed to get lost in the facts. Also, I needed to draw the reader into my writing more than I had already done.